I’ve put my money on the imminent return of our alien ancestors and the total enslavement of the human race. It feels long overdue. Others favor more conventional catastrophes: nuclear holocaust, a virulent plague, global warming, a new ice age, a sequel to the Great Flood, or even a rerun of the Permian–Triassic extinction event—because once just wasn’t enough.
The theological wing of the pool is divided between Ragnarök, the Rapture, and the Apocalypse, each argued with surprising confidence by people who still renew their gym memberships.
Our friend Concetta, however, chose death by asteroid. She has been insufferable ever since learning that Asteroid 99942 Apophis is scheduled to pass dangerously close to Earth on Friday, April 13, 2029. She’s already rehearsing her victory speech.
I remain confident that her celebration is premature and our future alien overlords will simply swoop in and blast the rock out of the sky. After all, one doesn’t cross the universe to conquer a planet without protecting the prize. Our esurient saviors will save the day.
~ By Giovanni di Napoli, March 30th, Feasts of Beato Joachim di Fiore and San Giovanni Climaco
